aaron is online

I almost don’t want to bring it up because writing about it encourages all this nonsense, but I’m home sick (and bored), and I’d like to make sure everybody knows a few things about the apocalypse du jour: Swine Flu.

1) Influenza kills roughly 36,000 people in the US each year.  Not “swine flu” – I’m talking about regular ol’ “the flu.”  If this porcine strain wants to match that number, it’s got a long way to go from the one person it’s killed domestically as of today.

Oh, but what about the 150 people who died in Mexico?  You know what else kills 150 people every year in Mexico? The Chupacabra.

2) This is not new.  Check out these PSAs about swine flu from 1976:

(You know what else happened in 1976?  U2 was formed.  If I had the option of contracting swine flu if it meant never having to listen to that overrated band again, I would take it.)

3) The media wants to scare you.  If you’re scared, your eyes stay glued to TV, websites, magazines, and newspapers.  If you’re eyes are glued, you’re seeing the advertisements.  The more eyes on the ads, the more money they can charge for them.  Bottom line.

So, can we stop this now?  The human species isn’t going to die out because of West Nile Virus Bird Flu SARS Monkeypox MRSA Erectile Dysfunction Swine Flu. This is not 1340′s Europe.  Enough already, please.

Not surgeons or EMTs or the like – this doesn’t apply to people who actually DO something.  It’s the GPs.  I hate them.  HATE them.  Medicine is such a racket…

I don’t get sick often, and I go to the doctor even less, but the times when I have been ill enough to have to seek medical attention, I’ve NOT ONCE had a doctor tell me something I didn’t already know.  That’s not to say that I’m smart (I know fuck all about medicine), but I expect someone who’s been through medical school & demands I refer to them by their title to be able to do more than nod their head, say “Alright…” and charge me a couple hundred bucks!

Right now, I have bronchitis.  A doctor can’t see me till Thursday.  I know I have bronchitis because my roommate Rachel had bronchitis, and I caught it from her.  So why do I need to tell some doctor?

Maybe they have to do some tests to make sure that’s what’s actually wrong with me.  But “they” aren’t doctors – they’re lab techs in a lab working with machines. Here, machine.  Here’s my swab!  Compute!

Doctors (again, just the GPs) are over-trusted, overpaid educated guessers who do nothing but cost me money and time.  There’s no difference between a general practitioner and a weatherman, except that when a weatherman’s guess is wrong, you may have too warm a coat with you, whereas a doctor’s ineptitude can kill you.

If you are a doctor, I hate you.  You are a crook and a bastard, and I hope people stop kissing your ass and your children fall gravely ill and have to wait for medication like the rest of us.

On Episode #29 of the Grapes of Rad, William the Bartender asked me to write him a theme song.  I complied, and present to you the new “Hey, Bartender!” intro:

Hey, Bartender! (Click for the player)

by Pedro the Lion

I started recording this cover a few years ago, and finally got around to adding a few things I’ve been meaning to add to “finish” it.  It’s not a part of my 1-Take series, although I am equally as sloppy with 2nd, 3rd, and 10th takes, so you might not notice much of a difference.

Click here for the player: Transcontinental

I’m a sucker for a narrative, and this one’s a doozy: a man gets his legs lopped off by a train, and as he lay dying, remembers the story of another unfortunate fellow whose legs became trapped under a fallen tree.  This man, however, had to make the decision to cut off his own legs to save himself, a choice our narrator is thankful he doesn’t have to make (referring to his forced de-limbing as “the luxury of having been spared the hard part”).

For some reason, this song leaves me strangely uplifted; I don’t know why.  Maybe I just like stories that take place while a character bleeds to death, I don’t know.

If you feel like leaving a comment, let me know what you think.  I like good & bad press, so keep it real.  Thanks.