aaron is online

Not surgeons or EMTs or the like – this doesn’t apply to people who actually DO something.  It’s the GPs.  I hate them.  HATE them.  Medicine is such a racket…

I don’t get sick often, and I go to the doctor even less, but the times when I have been ill enough to have to seek medical attention, I’ve NOT ONCE had a doctor tell me something I didn’t already know.  That’s not to say that I’m smart (I know fuck all about medicine), but I expect someone who’s been through medical school & demands I refer to them by their title to be able to do more than nod their head, say “Alright…” and charge me a couple hundred bucks!

Right now, I have bronchitis.  A doctor can’t see me till Thursday.  I know I have bronchitis because my roommate Rachel had bronchitis, and I caught it from her.  So why do I need to tell some doctor?

Maybe they have to do some tests to make sure that’s what’s actually wrong with me.  But “they” aren’t doctors – they’re lab techs in a lab working with machines. Here, machine.  Here’s my swab!  Compute!

Doctors (again, just the GPs) are over-trusted, overpaid educated guessers who do nothing but cost me money and time.  There’s no difference between a general practitioner and a weatherman, except that when a weatherman’s guess is wrong, you may have too warm a coat with you, whereas a doctor’s ineptitude can kill you.

If you are a doctor, I hate you.  You are a crook and a bastard, and I hope people stop kissing your ass and your children fall gravely ill and have to wait for medication like the rest of us.

by Pedro the Lion

I started recording this cover a few years ago, and finally got around to adding a few things I’ve been meaning to add to “finish” it.  It’s not a part of my 1-Take series, although I am equally as sloppy with 2nd, 3rd, and 10th takes, so you might not notice much of a difference.

Click here for the player: Transcontinental

I’m a sucker for a narrative, and this one’s a doozy: a man gets his legs lopped off by a train, and as he lay dying, remembers the story of another unfortunate fellow whose legs became trapped under a fallen tree.  This man, however, had to make the decision to cut off his own legs to save himself, a choice our narrator is thankful he doesn’t have to make (referring to his forced de-limbing as “the luxury of having been spared the hard part”).

For some reason, this song leaves me strangely uplifted; I don’t know why.  Maybe I just like stories that take place while a character bleeds to death, I don’t know.

If you feel like leaving a comment, let me know what you think.  I like good & bad press, so keep it real.  Thanks.

William and I spent the last few days in Shelton, WA, on a very unique type of spring break trip.  I’m probably going to be talking about it at great length on this week’s podcast, but here is a quick list of some things that I brought back with me from my stay in the jewel of Mason County.

1. I’m fucking in & you’re fucking out.
2. Kenny Loggins has some messed up fans.
3. It is possible to put too much gravy on chicken fried steak.
4. I should never let my cats near Rob Dunlap.
5. Having a cell phone makes one a homosexual.
6. Pregnant women can rock a jacuzzi.
7. When you run into someone you know at the casino at 10:00 on a Tuesday morning (after a bloody mary), your mutual embarrassments cancel each other out.
8. With a little practice & a little booze, one can master hatchet throwing.
9. The term “open container” is subject to interpretation.
10. There are some really great people who live in Shelton.

Oh, and this was decorating the home where we stayed:

I think this is supposed to be a book-end.

Seriously, though, Will & I had the best time.  A HUGE shout-out to everyone who hung with us while we were there; it was a blast!  Very special thanks to Daniel & Cindy Parsons for having us over, and extra special thanks to Jon & Joanna Williams for letting us crash on their bunk beds for 2 nights & drink their booze.  You guys are the best!

The other night, William & I went to Vessel, a swanky, world-class drinkery in downtown Seattle where one of Will’s former co-workers now tends bar.  Apparently, they do some things there that no other bar in the country does, and, in fact, one service they provide is hardly done anywhere else on Earth:

I was told by the staff (who are more than eager to share their expansive knowledge of all things alcohol) that the Perlini System of carbonation was developed by a local guy in town, and that they’re using some of his prototypes.  The device is a clear plastic cylinder, about 12″ tall with a 3″ diameter, that unscrews about 1/3 of the way down from the top.

The bartender fills the container with ice & other ingredients, screws the 2 “halves” together, and walks over to a CO2 tank on the wall.  The lid on the cylinder has a valve top, and they simply fill it with the gas ’till it can’t stands no more.  Then they shake it, and whatever liquid was put in there is now carbonated!  And not big, uncivilized cola-bubbles type carbonated – no, these were tasty little precocious champagne bubbles.  They were doing this process to straight gin & then adding a twist of lemon, and people were cheering about how good it was!

I didn’t get to taste any solo gin, but Michael made me a Captain Handsome (Vessel is known for their award-winning, classically inspired, original cocktails) which consisted of the following: gin, creme de violette, limoncello, lime juice & absinthe.  It was then Perlini’d and poured into a martini glass.

Wow.

So, I’ve had a song in my head for a couple days now.  I’m also home alone & pretty bored, which brings me to the following equation:

Bored + Home Alone = Something Ridiculous

Here is tonight’s “Something Ridiculous.”  It’s my 1-take version of a song sung by Frank Stallone to his 9 year old (?) daughter on “Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!”

This is my second 1-take version of a song.  A while ago I made an audio recording of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” only allowing 1 take per instrument/vocal track.  Sloppiness counts!  Perhaps I’ll post that one later.

My friends John & Aaron both posted this survey on Facebook within minutes of each other.  Since neither is aware of the other’s existance, I took it as a sign that I, too, should share my lit list with the Interworld.  So here it is:

Apparently the BBC reckons most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.

Instructions:
1) Look at the list and mark an ‘x’ before those you’ve read.
2) Add a ‘+’ to the ones you LOVE.
3) Mark those you plan on reading with an asterisk (*).
4) Tally your total.

1. [ ] Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
2. [x+] The Lord of the Rings JRR Tolkien
3. [ ] Jane Eyre Charlotte Bronte
4. [ ] The Harry Potter series JK Rowling
5. [*] To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee
6. [x] The Bible
7. [ ] Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte
8. [x] 1984 George Orwell
9. [ ] His Dark Materials Philip Pullman
10. [ ] Great Expectations Charles Dickens
11. [ ] Little Women Louisa M Alcott
12. [ ] Tess of the D’Urbervilles Thomas Hardy
13. [*] Catch 22 Joseph Heller
14. [x] Complete Works of Shakespeare (most of it)
15. [ ] Rebecca Daphne Du Maurier
16. [x+] The Hobbit JRR Tolkien
17. [ ] Birdsong Sebastian Faulks
18. [x] Catcher in the Rye JD Salinger
19. [ ] The Time Traveller’s Wife Audrey Niffenegger
20. [ ] Middlemarch George Eliot
21. [ ] Gone With The Wind Margaret Mitchell
22. [*] The Great Gatsby F Scott Fitzgerald
23. [ ] Bleak House Charles Dickens
24. [ ] War and Peace Leo Tolstoy
25. [x+] The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams
26. [ ] Brideshead Revisited Evelyn Waugh
27. [x+] Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. [x] Grapes of Wrath John Steinbeck
29. [ ] Alice in Wonderland Lewis Carroll
30. [ ] The Wind in the Willows Kenneth Grahame
31. [*] Anna Karenina Leo Tolstoy
32. [ ] David Copperfield Charles Dickens
33. [ ] Chronicles of Narnia CS Lewis
34. [ ] Emma Jane Austen
35. [ ] Persuasion Jane Austen
36. [ ] The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe CS Lewis
37. [ ] The Kite Runner Khaled Hosseini
38. [ ] Captain Corelli’s Mandolin Louis De Bernieres
39. [ ] Memoirs of a Geisha Arthur Golden
40. [ ] Winnie the Pooh AA Milne
41. [x+] Animal Farm George Orwell
42. [ ] The Da Vinci Code Dan Brown
43. [ ] One Hundred Years of Solitude Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. [ ] A Prayer for Owen Meaney John Irving
45. [ ] The Woman in White Wilkie Collins
46. [ ] Anne of Green Gables LM Montgomery
47. [ ] Far From The Madding Crowd Thomas Hardy
48. [ ] The Handmaid’s Tale Margaret Atwood
49. [x] Lord of the Flies William Golding
50. [ ] Atonement Ian McEwan
51. [ ] Life of Pi Yann Martel
52. [*] Dune Frank Herbert
53. [ ] Cold Comfort Farm Stella Gibbons
54. [ ] Sense and Sensibility Jane Austen
55. [ ] A Suitable Boy Vikram Seth
56. [ ] The Shadow of the Wind Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. [ ] A Tale Of Two Cities Charles Dickens
58. [*] Brave New World Aldous Huxley
59. [ ] The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time Mark Haddon
60. [ ] Love In The Time Of Cholera Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. [x] Of Mice and Men John Steinbeck
62. [x] Lolita Vladimir Nabokov
63. [ ] The Secret History Donna Tartt
64. [ ] The Lovely Bones Alice Sebold
65. [ ] Count of Monte Cristo Alexandre Dumas
66. [*] On The Road Jack Kerouac
67. [ ] Jude the Obscure Thomas Hardy
68. [ ] Bridget Jones’s Diary Helen Fielding
69. [ ] Midnight’s Children Salman Rushdie
70. [*] Moby Dick Herman Melville
71. [ ] Oliver Twist Charles Dickens
72. [ ] Dracula Bram Stoker
73. [x] The Secret Garden Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. [ ] Notes From A Small Island Bill Bryson
75. [ ] Ulysses James Joyce
76. [ ] The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath
77. [ ] Swallows and Amazons Arthur Ransome
78. [ ] Germinal Emile Zola
79. [ ] Vanity Fair William Makepeace Thackeray
80. [ ] Possession AS Byatt
81. [x] A Christmas Carol Charles Dickens
82. [ ] Cloud Atlas David Mitchell
83. [ ] The Color Purple Alice Walker
84. [ ] The Remains of the Day Kazuo Ishiguro
85. [x] Madame Bovary Gustave Flaubert
86. [ ] A Fine Balance Rohinton Mistry
87. [x] Charlotte’s Web EB White
88. [ ] The Five People You Meet In Heaven Mitch Alborn
89. [x] Adventures of Sherlock Holmes Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. [ ] The Faraway Tree Collection Enid Blyton
91. [x] Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad
92. [x] The Little Prince Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. [ ] The Wasp Factory Iain Banks
94. [*] Watership Down Richard Adams
95. [ ] A Confederacy of Dunces John Kennedy Toole
96. [ ] A Town Like Alice Nevil Shute
97. [ ] The Three Musketeers Alexandre Dumas
98. [x+] Hamlet William Shakespeare
99. [x+] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
100. [x+] Les Miserables Victor Hugo

Total: 23 books.  Not so bad, but I wish it was more.  I do, however, have a few questions: where is Don Quixote? and Dracula but no Frankenstein? Shenanigans!

Ben came over last night to record Episode #19.  When we were finished, I noticed that the heater, which I had forgotten to turn off, never kicked on.  (We set up right outside the little “furnace room,” and it’s very loud.)

I didn’t think too much of it, and after Ben went home, I started editing until about 5:30 am, at which point I realized my hands were shaking, my feet were numb, and the heat was off.  Still.

Apparently it’s not Hanukah at the Mason house because our oil-fueled furnace has run dry.

Let’s recap:  We have no heat, it’s the first week of February, and last I checked filling an oil heater costs roughly 2.6 scrillion dollars.

Great success!

SEXY UPDATE: My friend Isaac & his wife gave us a ton of firewood, and we caved and bought a space heater, which is actually something we’ve wanted to have in the basement for a while now.  Things are looking up!

Enough with the podcast.  I’m sorry.  Being back in class means I’ve been reading a shitload, and most of my spare internet time has gone to Facebook, Twitter, and looking for podcast material.

I promise things will be going up a little more often & a little more not-all-about-the-damn-podcast.  Maybe I’ll even post a picture or 2. Who knows?  Ooh, the suspense…

While I was out a few weeks ago, I drove past a Taco Bell that had a broken intercom/ordering-speaker-thing, and I took a picture of the equally broken sign they posted to let everyone know the score.  Here’s my official “FAIL” version:

I sent it to failblog.org today, and while I’m sure it won’t fall through the sieves over at that place, it can be seen on the world wide web right here!

Right where your old pal Aaron said it’d be.

Right here, safe & sound, back in good ol’ 1955.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?  I’m not sure, but here’s what it looks like when two fat guys make sausage.

There were more people there than just Isaac and me, and I did far less work than Nathan who is not pictured because he was probably manning his homemade smoker in the backyard.  The one he made out of two 50-gallon drums.  You know, the one next to the garage.  The garage with the home-fucking-brewery inside it!  Yeah, that one.

Last week, Meagan and I drove down to Puyallup to spend the day making sausages and drinking a bunch of VERY good beer, most of which was made by either Isaac or Nathan.  The boys are giving the homemade meat-treats as Christmas gifts to their families this year (who wouldn’t love some some pork on xmas morn’?), and they apparently have Duggar-sized families as we processed roughly 55 pounds of pig with 45 still left for another day!*

We had an awesome time.  Nathan even roasted some lamb and potatoes on his Weber out back for dinner!  Those guys really know how to throw down, and on top of everything, they and their wives are high-quality people!  Meagan & I look forward to more good times with these fine folk.

I also would like to mention: if you fancy yourself a mature person, go ahead and spend 5 minutes making sausage, and I guarantee you will be giggling like Beavis & Butthead before you know what hit you.  There are so many sexual euphemisms involved in every step of the process (“stuff your pork,” “handling your meat,” and “smoking the sausage” are only a few) that you’ll want to call your mother and apologize when your finished.

*SEXY UPDATE: I talked to Isaac yesterday who claims that he & Nathan cranked out another 70 (!) lbs of sausage 2 days ago.  I’ve never even heard of so much meat! These guys really love their sausage…